Staying on Track

I will be away from home this weekend. I have to go back to school to work. I will be alone and it is very easy not to eat. At home we have normal meals at regular meal times. When I am alone it is tempting not to eat. No one is there, so no one can see if I eat or not. If some one asks me if I ate I can say yes and they would never know. I really would rather not eat, but I know that I have to. I am afraid when I leave home tomorrow to spend the weekend alone, I won't eat at all. Part of me says it is a great chance to lose some weight and another part of me says you have to be strong and eat. It is very hard fight with myself every day. My boyfriend is my rock. He keeps me going and makes me smile. I wish we could spend more time together, but we have to be apart right now. It is much more difficult to stay stong without him, but I am trying. I miss him so much.

This is a brand new year and I know a lot of you have made new year resolutions. I do not make resolutions at the start of a new year because I always have goals that I am working towards. This year though, I am making an exception. I feel I need my goals to look at and to motaviate me to stay on track, so here they are...

1. Get my GPA above a 3.0. My GPA has suffered in college because of my struggles with my eating disorder. I have not been studying as much as I should and I know I can do better.
2. Focus on my recovery and do the best I can. I am starting my recovery again after not seeing much sucess at the first place I went to. I am hoping this new place will be a much better fit for me. I want to be confident in myself and know that some day I will be okay.
3. Be more open with my boyfriend, my family, and my friends. I keep a lot inside and I want to be open with how I feel and talk about what I am going through.
4. Work out because I want to, not because I need to. I never exercise because I want to. I do it to try and lose weight and look better. I actually love to go on walks and to run, so I want to do it to relax and to have fun.
5. Show my horse more this summer and show at a Pinto show in August. Last summer I did not spend much time with my horses at all. A lot of the time I was sick and tired, so I wanted to sleep. I want to get back into showing because I love it and miss it. I have always wanted to show at a Pinto show, so why not this summer?

I might add more, but this is what I have for now. I am a very driven person and if I set goals like this I will do all I can to acheive them. I hope everyone is looking forward to the new year and a new start. I know I am. Remember to belive in yourself and never give up.