I Am

Well, it is done. We prepare for days, weeks, and months and now it is over. Over within a few hours really. Christmas is filled with family, friends, gifts, food, and laughter. We spend all this time and effort preparing and it is done... just like that. People get so wrapped up in the gifts and food and it is not even about any of that. None of that matters. It doesn't really feel like Christmas this year for me. Something is off. Maybe it is me, but something is weird. I just can't put my finger on it.

It is taking all that I have right now not to binge. These particular Christmas peanut M&M's are talking to me. And the red and green wrapped Reese's too. I just want to eat them all and then throw it all up. YUCK. I have not had one Christmas cookie this year and I am not eating sh*t food now. I think I feel the need to binge because I just have an emptiness inside this Christmas. I feel lonely and I want to fill it with something. Food seems like a logical choice right now. I have not binged in three days though, and I am not starting now. I am stronger than this. I am. I am. I am...