Off The Wall

So I actually ate "normally" today. I had three "meals". I put meals in quotes because a meal to me is different from what a meal is to others. I think a bowl of cereal is a meal, but that probably doesn't count. I try to eat less than two meals a day, so eating three today sucked. I about to go to bed and feel a tad hungry. Usually I am STARVING when I go to bed and have trouble sleeping. Maybe tonight I will sleep better? Possible...

I did not binge today, but I did restrict (like I do all the F'ing time anyway). I hate bingeing. It is the most disgusting feeling in the world. Yuck. But restricting my food intake and starving myself leads to bingeing. And the bingeing leads to restricting. It is a deathly cycle that repeats itself every day. Bingeing is myself letting go and then restricting is punishing myself for being a horrible fat person. Restricting makes me feel tough and strong. I love the feeling of being hungry and hate the feeling of fullness. This is even confusing to me. Sorry if that was off the wall, but I'm a little off the wall sometimes.

I am in the middle of finals week and I have seven finals :O I am to say the least, stressed out and sick of studying. I am not doing well this semester. I think I might fail a class or maybe two. I have never failed in my entire life. I have been trying so hard, but I can not get good grades. I don't understand it. I just feel dumb... so I can add that to feeling fat, ugly, and not good enough. Joy.

I often ponder if there is anyone out there that reads these, so I will post a fun question so you all can comment :D What is your favorite Christmas movie? Mine is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation! So comment away!