The Truth

Sorry that I have not updated in a while. I have been super busy with school, homework, horses, and work. Things have been crazy and my eating disorder has sure been working in high gear.

Friday's are my days at the doctor. I had appointments today with my therapist, L, and my new dietician, who I will call R. L has had me do some thinking about how I think and I have been analyzing my thoughts. It is scary sometimes, but it is eye-opening also. For so long I have just thought a certain way and not thought about it. I never have thought about why I do not eat anything, I just do it. My ED is scary to pick apart and sort through. I have also been in touch with a weird part of me. A part of my mind where I rather not go to. I am digging up anger, sadness, frustration, confusion, loneliness, and many other emotions I did not know I had. L suggested that I start a journal so I have a place to get down my feeling on paper. I hope this helps. I wrote a poem tonight to express some of my emotions that seemed to be hiding. Let me know what you think of it. Enjoy.

The Truth

The truth is
I hate you.
Inside and out and
everything you do.

The truth is
I am mad.
At you and me.
How did it get so bad?

The truth is
I miss the fun
And our time together.
But you chose to run.

The truth is
I have more to say
But you left this.
And I had to stay.

The truth is
I do not want to let go.
I am too stubborn.
You should know.

The truth is
I know where you are.
I will come for you.
Even if you are afar.

The truth is
I just want to cry.
These tears are caused
by how you can tell a lie.

The truth is
You should suffer.
Like I do every day.
It makes me tougher.

The truth is
You cannot do this forever.
I will be free someday.
But you will never.