Four Things...

One - I am so confused. Confused about my life. The relationships in my life. Where my life is going. What my life means. What life is really about. And I guess just what matters in my life.

Two - I know I say this a lot, but I feel like I don't matter. I feel like one small spec of dirt among the millions on the planet. I feel insignificant. Insignificant to those around me and to myself.

Three - People make me crazy. People are just odd. I know I am weird, but some people are beyond weird. Like a frog with four eyes... weird. I just don't understand a lot of what people are doing most of the time.

Four - I want to be able to be open. To have a "normal" relationship. To not put up walls because I am trying to protect myself. I have been hurt. Not just hurt like when you stub your toe, but like heartbroken. Deeply let down and disappointed. Physically hurt. Sexually hurt. I feel I am missing out on relationships, friends or boyfriends, because I am scared of being vulnerable. Because I have to be tough to protect myself.

What Now?

What am I going to do? I wish I had you to talk to. I always could talk to you about anything. I can't anymore.

I just pass you on the sidewalk and can't say a word. I want to say so much. I have tears that need to fall down. I have sadness that needs to be comforted.

You are here around me, but you are not here with me. I don't know if I can stay here any longer and bare this.

My life is about to change for the better(I hope), and I can't even share it with you.