Tuesday, October 25, 2011

This Is My Reaction

So I write song lyrics every once in a while. I enjoy it because I LOVE music and writing. Perfect combo. Here is my most recent...

This Is My Reaction

Look at me, I’m a mess
You don’t even see it
You don’t have a clue

I want to start running to create an escape
But something tells me not to leave
Not to leave until I give you a shot

If I had the time to feel or to make this seem real
I would never let you walk by without me
But this is my reaction instead of all the tears

I’m saving my words for this
For everything I’m not
For everything you are

Part of me is still gone
Gone somewhere you won’t go
All I’m waiting for is the rescue

If I had the time to feel or make this seem real
I would never let you walk by without me
But this is my reaction instead of all the tears

Spare me the heartache
I’m tired of dying to feel alive
I’ve turned into a travesty
So this is my reaction

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I hate this... what do I do? I don't know what to do.

Sunday, October 9, 2011


Okay. Not sure where to start with this post, but I'll just start rambling on and see where I end up....

Things with the ED have not been good lately. pretty shitty actually. I don't eat really. I drink a crap ton of energy drinks and diet pop. Monsters have became my good friend. Totally worth the two dollars I fork out to buy one. And diet Dr. Pepper. Yumm. Things with the ED are not good, so that means school is obviously not good either. It sucks actually. I don't sleep and it is so hard to focus on homework. I just took my first exam of the semester and got a 67%. At least I passed. This is my last semester and I cannot let my grades slip. Uggg.

Anywho, I am working as well. Work is work. It is going well and I don't mind it. Some days are better then others, but that is with everything. When your work life is going well, you know it is a sign that everything else is suffering. This is true for me. I stay late at work to make them happy and that is less time to sleep, study, or have fun. Sooo yea.

I'm busy busy busy. But I do have a date tomorrow night with Jack. Jack Daniels to be specific. I'm well over do.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Breathe it Baby

So I sleep like maybe a couple of hours a night. While I am awake for countless hours a night I should be doing homework, but instead I am browsing the web. Or Facebook of course. BUT on my adventures in the middle of the night, I found my new current obsession. Breathe Carolina. OMG. I. Can't. Get. Enough. Check them out!

My favorite album is the newest one - Hell Is What You Make It. Top songs on the album are probably... Gone So Long, They Say You Won't Come Back, and Blackout.

I have been sooo bored with my music lately. I can only listen to Lady Gaga, Jason Aldean, and Katy Perry so much. This is a refreshing for me. Ahhhh. Breathe it baby....

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Four Things...

One - I am so confused. Confused about my life. The relationships in my life. Where my life is going. What my life means. What life is really about. And I guess just what matters in my life.

Two - I know I say this a lot, but I feel like I don't matter. I feel like one small spec of dirt among the millions on the planet. I feel insignificant. Insignificant to those around me and to myself.

Three - People make me crazy. People are just odd. I know I am weird, but some people are beyond weird. Like a frog with four eyes... weird. I just don't understand a lot of what people are doing most of the time.

Four - I want to be able to be open. To have a "normal" relationship. To not put up walls because I am trying to protect myself. I have been hurt. Not just hurt like when you stub your toe, but like heartbroken. Deeply let down and disappointed. Physically hurt. Sexually hurt. I feel I am missing out on relationships, friends or boyfriends, because I am scared of being vulnerable. Because I have to be tough to protect myself.

Friday, September 9, 2011

What Now?

What am I going to do? I wish I had you to talk to. I always could talk to you about anything. I can't anymore.

I just pass you on the sidewalk and can't say a word. I want to say so much. I have tears that need to fall down. I have sadness that needs to be comforted.

You are here around me, but you are not here with me. I don't know if I can stay here any longer and bare this.

My life is about to change for the better(I hope), and I can't even share it with you.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Think of Us

When I see a young couple walking hand in hand pushing their new baby boy in a stroller.... I think of us.

When I lay in bed at night and can't sleep... I think of us.

When a car that looks like yours drives by... I think of us.

When that country love song comes on the radio on the way to work... I think of us.

When I hear my friends are engaged or married... I think of us.

When I go back to that city... I think of us.

When something amazing happens and I pick up the phone to call you... I think of us.

When the shot of whiskey starts to get to me... I think of us.

When I catch a strong scent of your cologne... I think of us.

When I watch my parents walking hand in hand... I think of us.

When I starve myself and I'm sick... I think of us.

When I watch that movie we always watched together... I think of us.

When don't I think of us?